How to appease the stay at home Pitta mum

The idea of the baby was good at first, it was another experience to have. And if you're a Pitta lady you went about the pregnancy getting the job done. No, I mean it, you probably didn't stop working until the last minute. But now you're at home, kid at your feet, you're looking at the mayhem that's your daily routine and the lack of control your life has now, and you feel a surge of frustration at how to bring it all back to the way it was. Back to clean lines, and ordered stationery shelves. Back to scheduling weekends away and planning your retirement fund.

There is a definition of a mother that someone started, which works for a few and frustrates the living hell out of the others. Well Pitta mamas, Ayurveda is here to tell you that you can't hide who you are, and you should honour her always, albeit with a little tweaking for the more out of control situations being a mama can create.

That 50's housewife model was not for the Pitta personality lady, it was more for the Kapha personality. It was the Pitta man looking for his Kapha goddess woman, who would be happy to be a support to his direction. That is/was the stereotype of what society sort of wants. It keeps the energies balanced. It keeps the roles cemented.

We're definitely on our way to redefining the various ways to be a mother in this age but truth be told there are still remnants of the legacy of fear and suppression handed over from mother to daughter from the post war time frame. There are enough movies to remind us, enough parades too. In part it's paying respects to the many brave souls that fought for a free country, but it may also keep the role playing alive. The last line's a hunch.

Where am I going with this? You, Pitta lady, need to be engaged. You do or that suppressed fire can turn on your organs (gallbladder removal) or on your relationships. It can go backward and blame the mother for her distance and lack of guidance in showing you how to direct your path in life. It can turn on your husband, in not being good enough at his job or pleasing you. It can turn on your kids to perform in school sports or top grades to have that Pitta energy feel like it's gaining a sense of achievement. In all, the perfectionist can cause a lot of pain and hurt, but it can be easily fixed.

First thing is to know yourself - 

  1. Do you need to see projects completed?
  2. Do you like to gain knowledge?
  3. Do you find it easy to comprehend issues and feel able to solve them easily?
  4. Do you find it easy to remain focused?
  5. Are you always planning something?
I need to find creative diversity because if I get stuck, I get unhappy.
— Jill Scott, singer/songwriter 3 time Grammy award winner

If life created a situation where you might not be able to go out into the world and spread your name and fame, then go with what you've got, appease that fire in your belly and put it to good use. Here's what I suggest - 

  1. Keep a daily routine of something you like to do that is yours. Things like writing, gardening, reading, learning a new language, learning a musical instrument, cooking, photography, decorating. By doing something you like as a routine each day it will feel like you're making head ways in it. And regular attendance to something naturally creates a project, or a social group, and this will make you feel like you are a part of something.
  2. Be around intellectual folks. You will want to engage intellectually because that's your thing so make sure to be in groups that enjoy that too. Not everyone is cut out to just talk about their children, especially the Pitta mum. She still feels like she has something to be known for and needs to be able to express her opinion. Even if the social group is online. You have a naturally strong digestion and your mind has the ability to comprehend complex issues. Put it to use around people or pick up a book from the library.
  3. Keep your attire sharp. You have an eye for things that are visually appealing so don't fall into the trap of comfort wear because you won't like it over time. Keep your style going even if it's to the shop to pick up milk. There's a reason Pitta gets known as being "hot".
  4. Get involved in local community politics. You're prime for it because you're a solutions focused type. If you keep your Pitta in check then you will be focused on the best for all, if not, you might fall into the trap of needing to have it your own way. When Pitta is cool and collected, it does it's best work, because it sees things clearly, as the inflammation of annoyance doesn't cloud judgement.
  5. Organize people. You are the best at this. Organise your home life. Use your stationery, which I know you love, and create those charts and schedules. When you feel like there's some kind of control you calm down, even if it's just the idea of control, and even if it's just a small thing that's kept to order each day. Be religious on this and it will make you feel better.
  6. Reward yourself. You need to recognise little achievements to be satisfied. Find a mini reward system and stick to it. You deserve it, sounds like you've been hard at work! :)

Society gives us roles in life and then prefers us to behave in them a certain way. This, we know, is not possible. The most important thing is to know your nature and to honour it. And it's not just about being a woman because that idea comes in shades too. As a Pitta woman, specifically, you need to chew on something, be it a raw food item now and then or a great conversation. So do it, and those around you will thrive. And you will too.

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Sandra Radja

Established in 2012 The She Oak aims to provide healing through diet and lifestyle counselling as well as educational programs. I believe in teaching others to not only know their inherent constitutions that will best serve them but also how to help themselves should they mis-align with their true nature. Ayurveda treats the individual not the disease.