Are you taking advantage of your children

Working with mothers, sometimes single mothers, humbles my perspective. Taking care of a little one's well being whilst finding the time to take care of their own can be a tricky equation. But in small steps it can be a worthwhile exercise and yield so many benefits.

I really like the Jim Henson movie, The Dark Crystal, other than the fact that the simple puppetry is cute and I'm old school like that, I love the message of not discarding the dark but bringing it to the light, meaning, you acknowledge both as part of your humanness, together. A lot of the times we see movies, books of fighting dragons, overcoming, getting rid of the difficulty. And even in my industry, we see notes of choosing foods and activities that are balancing; intimating that they lie on a higher scale than the inert style energies.Rather than see what comes as necessary, it starts to create a better/bad split. 

The point being, there is a rejection happening in the process. And this is what I'm going to challenge via the idea of having kids.

If you consider your job, your relationship, your dog, your kid to be a separate part of you, it's going to be frustrating, especially for the Pitta personality that likes the feeling of control.  But it will be confronting even for the other doshas. Your perspective will be limited and can only lead to a feeling of enforcing your beliefs on others, and if you feel any bit of dissonance, it screams to you that the other is being difficult.

I don't believe in child psychology. Not unless the parent has taken the time to work on themselves first. I don't believe you put the other through the ringer of finding themselves without you going first. And as always seems to be the case, you notice that when you do start to shift your perspective, your kid will feel you more intimately.

Children are an innate part of you until they reach a point of independence when they start to form their own ideas, perhaps teenage years, perhaps later. The women clients, friends, I have witnessed, that have taken the time to re-establish their order all of a sudden notice their kids more, listen to their words, revel in the playtime they now do on a regular basis and gain a little teacher in the mix. 

Kids are amazing beings. They are truth. They are incredible mirrors that will show you how to be present, how to simplify, how to be in wonder, how to let emotions roll through. I hope more parents understand the very gems of opportunity they have in their care.

This idea of empathy was brought to my attention via Dr Claudia Welch's new book - "The Art of Medicine", in which she discusses the 4 levels of speech. The level of speech at the heart, Pashyanti Vani, spoke on empathy. It mentioned that in order to really feel another, the heart must be clear of turbulent emotions. With the feelings of stress and anxiety so rampant these days, I can see why it would be difficult to assess what your kid would be going through.

The path to them is through you. I've seen this approach work miracles both in the mother and the child in question. I even heard recently of a mother changing her bowel habits to twice a day and her child following suit. Cute. 


Sandra Radja

Established in 2012 The She Oak aims to provide healing through diet and lifestyle counselling as well as educational programs. I believe in teaching others to not only know their inherent constitutions that will best serve them but also how to help themselves should they mis-align with their true nature. Ayurveda treats the individual not the disease.